Last year I wrote about how to be a College Football Fanatic. This year I ask does your team have a new head coach, have they graduated 80% of last year’s starters, are they on probation, are you guaranteed to lose 5 games and play in a Christmas week bowl, did your Heisman hopeful get thrown off the team for possession of marijuana or are you simply Notre Dame fan? If you answered yes to any of these questions chances are your season is going to be wasted building for the future.  But, that doesn’t mean you have to take any shit from anyone about the state of your program.  Follow these rules and before you know it your program will be winning meaningful games again.

1. Avoid Mondays at the office.  The only thing more satisfying than winning is not letting that jerk ass rival school graduate co-worker of yours be able to rub your face in a loss. On Tuesdays spit in his or her coffee.
2. Fabricate detailed and complex stories as to why your team has no noticeable play makers.  ”We did have this stud runnin’ back from Easterly all signed, but he got a better offer to join a cult instead… Actually yah that was him on Dateline last night.”
3. You favorite phrase should be, “Just wait until we until we recruit the right players for the system.”
4. You lost to the less talented out of conference school because they wanted it more and not because you suck!
5. Pretend the goal of the game isn’t to score more points than the other team, but to complete a full four quarters of play.  Once you convince yourself of that you will have an unstoppable dynasty on your hands
6. Bowl games are an irrelevant reward for the players.  The 6 hard fought wins that got you there are what really matters.
7. Change the conversation early and make it personal.  ”Hey Jerry, wow your boys got their asses kic…” “Isn’t your wife is cheating on you with Chuck?”
8. Horrible officiating is the only reason why you are on that long losing steak.
9. If you lose to your rival school do not be gracious and do not congratulate. Try to not acknowledge the loss. If some douche bag points it out tell them you didn’t see the game, don’t believe them and will check the score out for yourself later, which you will obviously never do.  If you had the misfortune of being at the game black out the memory with copious amounts of Southern Comfort.
10. Most importantly never under any circumstances admit your program is in a transitional or rebuilding year. This is admitting defeat and an open invitation for someone to eat your lunch.