For your viewing pleasure, the latest in the long line of Leland Stanford Junior, University Marching Band’s controversial actions.

After all, it takes a special kind of man to be wanted for sexual harassment, drug trafficking, tax evasion, prostitution, child abuse and destructive flatulence.

Your move Joe Francis and hopefully boobies will be involved. I’m indebted to The Wiz for finding this.

No. 1 – Never trust a man who owns less than three rifles. His only intention is to steal one of yours.

No. 2 – Always sprinkle baking soda down the outhouse hole after beer shits. Continue Reading “Mountaineers’ Rules for Living” »

Loser With Socks is the Tennessee blog that’s always first in breaking Vol’s news and Internet fodder. They continue to impress with this picture of what looks to be Lane Kiffin at  a bar with some women not his wife. We’re sure than it’s nothing more than an innocent conversation, but if he wanted to pick these women up which one-liners would he toss their way?

1. I’d love to pound it out with you two in the I.
2. Phil Fulmer never looked this good.
3. What’s your favorite position on extramarital sex?
4. I’ve got a smoke machine in my office.
5. You can name our love child Neyland.

If you have any others leave them in the comments.

Continue Reading “Jim Tressel is taking his show to the Air Force” »

February through May (minus spring practice) are the doldrums of the college football year. CGB Off-Topic will try to fill part of the gap with anecdotes, rants and ramblings.

Last weekend I went on a trip to do some major partying and while many ludicrous drunken antics took place, none, in terms of shear stupidity and hilarity can hold a candle to parts of the conversation I overheard on my flight home. The two kids that sat behind me must have met in the terminal, because they seemed pretty well acquainted. The one on my left was 14 and heading back to boarding school at Deerfield Academy, the other to my right was 19 heading back to college at WNEC. They came from two totally different walks of life. Boarding school kid which I will refer to as Silly Bitch is naive, rich, motivated and intelligent. College kid which I will refer to as Anal Arthur is lower middle class, stupid and a stoner. Continue Reading “CGB Off-Topic: The Most Ridiculous Conversation I’ve Ever Overheard” »

With soft caressing gentle hands like those we know Pat White treated center Mike Dent just right.

What a messy bathroom...

We really don’t like Pat White the player, even though he never beat the Hokies. However, we do respect him. He helped put West Virginia back on the national radar with conference championships and huge bowl wins. We think the combination of White graduating and Bill Stewart being hellbent on showing the world West Virginia can lubricate it and not on coaching will remove WVU as Big East top dog.

Click the links below to see Pat White doing his best Urkel impression among amusing pictures.

H/T Image Daily Duckets via TBL

After starting 5-0 it looked as if Vanderbilt’s first winning season since 1982 and a bowl bid would be just a formality.  Back to back road losses and a beast of a schedule to play coach Bobby Johnson is just trying to focus on Duke.

We don’t look at the rest of the schedule,” Johnson said Monday. “We’re looking at the Duke game. That’s all we’re trying to do is win this one. Our guys can count. They know how many we’ve got, know how many we need to be bowl eligible and know how many we have left. We’ve all taken math here at Vanderbilt.”

Well if Coach Johnson isn’t going to predict how the season will end CollegeGameBalls’ panel of experts will have to.

CGB: First up is WW2 and Nazi historian Dr. Lou Holtz. Dr. Lou does Vanderbilt take care of business at home this week against Duke?

 

Der Vanderbilt Blitzkrieg wird nicht gestoppt werden von Duke.

CGB: Let me just wipe my face off after receiving that rain shower. Alrighty, I’de like to welcome Tim Tebow’s legendary ladyfriend to get her call on Florida @ Vandy.

 

The Gators are going to put up my cup size in points or my name isn’t little miss bossy.

CGB: Well that wasn’t too insightful, but with looks like that you’re welcome back anytime. Joining us on the phone from Kentucky is coach Rich Brooks to give us his thoughts on Vandy’s upcomming road-trip to Lexington.

Bullshit.  This is all bullshit. You, your site and this question its all gone to S-H-I-T with a capital BULL fucking it from behind, BULLSHIT!

CGB: It seems our phone has cutout… Anyways, next up we have CSTV’s Trev Alberts. Trev will Vandy be able to survive a visit from the Tennessee Volunteers?

 

Well you know CGB, Tennessee has been struggling and will need this win to become bowl eligible themselves.  As long as Coach Fulmer doesn’t mess things up too much by actually coaching I think UT has this one in the bag Nebraska 1993 style.

CGB: Trev thank you and I’de like to just say if I am ever unable to impregnate my wife you would be my first choice as sperm donor. And now last but not least we have former Clemson failure head coach Tommy Bowden. Tommy will the Commodores be able to get their 7th win and lock down a bowl bid on the road against Wake Forest?

Not this year. I know first hand the Deaks are a tough out. But the Dore fans shouldn’t be disappointed or discouraged.  As Dr. Leo Marvin said to me, “Baby Steps.” First things first, get that .500 record under your belt then worry about a bowl bid. You’ve got all the time in the world.  Heck, I wasn’t even trying to win my first conference title until year 13 of my 20 year plan.

We all know about Juice Williams, but how about Troy “Bucket of Hair” Pollard…

Noticeably missing are Daniel “I should have averaged more than 3.6 yards a carry against Minnesota” Dufrene, Michael Hoomanawanui “All Over Your Face” and the spirit of Illini Football the Pussy Parade.

Last night as I am drinking a stellar Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA and watching Oregon St go up 20-0 some old guy stumbled up next to me at the bar.  He was cocked.  His old guy friend (perhaps care giver) was behind him urging him to leave the bar.  Instead he opted to ask me if I wanted a shot.  I declined and “Pussy” was his response and some ball breaking about how I couldn’t keep up with him ensued.  So I asked him what are we drinking.  He ordered up three large shots of Don Julio which is delicious by the way.  The old guy friend looked less than enthused.  As I knock back mine in .2 seconds the old guy takes a sip and puts 3/4s of the shot back on the bar.  I then bust on him before he mumbles something and walks out of the door.

The moral of the story is old people cannot out drink me and should not be let out of the house after 7pm. Because who would watch Jeopardy?