Because a Snuggie won’t do when the weather outside is frightful during the Joelidays.

H/T Luke

Delany’s Dozen. Big Ten Expansion has been the hot topic during this brief college football sabbatical. We tossed out our (reasonable) suggestions awhile ago. But we hope the Big Ten goes hard at Texas and Nebraska; let chaos reign. Dan Shanoff has an interesting take and thinks Navy as a football only member makes perfect sense. His thesis is built upon the idea that a championship game isn’t a factor for Big Ten expansion. Whether it is or isn’t, we think it is, there will be a Big Ten Championship Game if the conference expands. No money will be left on the table.

U Inspired Dynasties. Conquest Chronicles serves up some spicy food for thought. Was the Trojan’s “modern-day” dynasty on par with Miami’s? If everything else is a push we’ll take Miami solely for the Vice City nightlife. Although, one thing we’ll point out is Miami had 3 consensus and 1 split Media National Championships, while USC had only 1 and 1. Continue Reading “Around the Interwebs” »

But I just remember Deon Sanders’ Jheri curl juice shakin all over the place… I hope they knock the curl juice out of his head. — Lamar Thomas

via Something Awful and for many, many more Barstoolio has you covered at The 7th Floor

As a Hokie I hate Miami, as a college football fan I ate up The U. Billy Corben did a masterful job directing a film that spent ten plus years writing itself. The score was brilliant and complimented Miami’s roughshod run through 80s perfectly. I don’t doubt that we’ll see another mediocre program rise to prominence, but there will never be another U.

Virginia Tech @ Maryland – If you’re looking for a preview of the game you won’t find that here. If those are things of interest to you then check out Gobbler Country’s What to Watch or Testudo Times. The only thing that matters in this fashion show game is that the Hokies win so I win a blogger bet with our friends at Girls Don’t Know Sports. The winner of said bet gets to defile the other’s banner atop their blog which will remain in place for a week. Please don’t fuck this up Hokies.

Continue Reading “Divine Predictions. Updated Jesus Cup Standings.” »

Brian and Jeff, proprietors of BC Interruption, who spend most of their time being quiet with their wives at Ann Taylor Loft, Bed Bath and Beyond and Starbucks have earned 30 minutes of funsies time. I’m ecstatic they’ve decided to spend it with us ACC assholes.

Now that most ACC teams’ non-conference schedules are winding down and we are starting league play, it’s time to take the vitals of the ACC’s play in non-conference action. Here is how the ACC fared against the rest of college football through 4 weeks (based on my back-of-the-envelope math):

Comment on your team’s (if applicable, sorry Miami) and the conference’s non-conference performance through 4 weeks. As a conference, what head-to-head record against another conference stands out to you most?

As a conference our performance has been horrible, abominable, putrid and pathetic. Losing games to I-AA teams is unACCeptable (Zing!). There would’ve been 3-5 more adjectives and perhaps a couple of “fucks” to describe the ACC vs outsiders had the Hokies not notched a quality win against Nebraska and had a passable showing against Alabama.

Continue Reading “ACC Roundtable 4: Non-Conference Report Card” »

WELCOME TO LANE STADIUM YOU SMUG SONS-OF-BITCHES.

FOLLOW OUR INSANITY (ALCOHOL + MIAMI + CHICKEN WINGS) ON TWITTER

@cgb_blog (me) | @GobblerCountry | @thisisbigtom | @BeerControl

REQUIRED READING

What to Watch vs. Miami [Gobbler Country]

Make it Real [Will Stewart]

Voices from the Enemy: Miami [The North End Zone]

Miami brings bombs over Blacksburg [Dr Saturday/Smart Football]

It’s About to Get Heavy [Fight For Old DC]

WE JUST HATE U MORE QUOTE

“Who doesn’t want to play in front of a hostile crowd?” he asked. “I’m not a cocky or arrogant person, but I like playing away because at the end of the game when you see the fans, you want to see them with stunned faces, stale faces wondering what just happened. That’s my fuel at away games. I just want to see the crowd go from like ‘Boo, Jacory, boo the team, you sorry, you suck’ to like ‘What just happened? We just blew the game.’ “

NUMBERS

• Jacory Harris has been sacked once and hurried zero other times.
• The Hokies are 32-4 at home from 2004-Yesterday at home.

BEAT MIAMI LIVEBLOG AFTER JUMP OR SPIT YOUR VENOM IN THE COMMENTS

Continue Reading “MIAMI-VIRGINIA TECH. ENGAGE HATE MODE.” »

It don’t mean nothing to me. I don’t even know what it is. They’re good in special teams, I’ll say that, if that’s what they call Beamer Ball. Every year that we play them we always beat them in special teams so I guess it’s Coach Shannon Ball. Coach Beamer does a great job of getting his troops ready to play. We’re just ready to prove everybody wrong. Y’all are all the people jumping on the bandwagon right now. We’re not even going to push them away. We’re going to welcome them. Everybody can ride with the U right now.

Redshirt senior safety Randy Phillips

If that doesn’t piss you off then please invite me over for dinner and dessert. Afterwards I won’t flush the toilet and to cap the evening off I’ll bed your wife.

1. *Ding Dong* The pizza man is here, did your team deliver what you expected in their opener, why or why not?

*Ding Dong* shitty question here, who wrote that trash? Oh… That’s right I’m hosting this weeks ACC Roundtable so be prepared to read outstanding answers to four suck-ass questions. Brendan (From Old Virginia) really put the rest of you guys to shame with his response.

ROFLCOPTER

SOI SOI SOI SOI GOES THE ROFLCOPTER CARRYING AL GROH

Bird (From the Rumble Seat) wrote what every fan would when their team wins by twenty, he complains about the lack of a flyover. He also points out GT fumbled three times, which against a better opponent can/will cost them the game.

Just another thing we do better than GT.

Joe Ovies (850 & 620 The Blog) regales us with a “wish I was back in college story”.

NC State: An old college friend worked as manager at Gumby’s Pizza in Raleigh. One night, he received a complaint call from a customer. Was the pizza cold? Was it not what they had ordered? Nope. The pizza delivery guy was so high, that he passed out on their couch. He just walked in, gave the guys their pizza, and crashed. That was the Wolfpack last Thursday.

Gumby’s Pokey Sticks are excellent when inebriated. James C (yet another… N.C. State Sports Blog) agrees with Joe that the offense plummeted into Carter-Finley.

The offense that was supposed to light the world on fire barely crossed the 50.

What happened to Russel Wilson is my question, did all the preseason hype go to his head? Also Dana Bible is NC State’s Bryan Stinespring. shivers

My brother from another mother F4H (Gobbler Country) likens the Virginia Tech offense to anchovies.

Again, with the anchovies. Always with the anchovies. Every year I order supreme and every year you bring me friggin’ [fucking] anchovies. At least the defense brought meat lovers.

Bud Foster’s homemade pizza is a pepperoni log, smoked pork underbelly and ball of mozzarella cheese mashed together between his hands. Anyways, I would say the Hokie offense is like a deconstructed pizza, the finest ingredients not put together. AND THAT FALLS ON YOUR SHOULDERS OFFENSIVE COACHES. Willy Mac and Chilli (Block-C) got served a half-assed pizza, probably Lunchables brand.

I pretty much expected a half-assed performance by Clemson and that’s exactly what I got. After the game I waited, hoping to hear Dabo chew the shit out of the team, but instead it seemed that he gave them fairly positive marks. Which means he is aware what they’re capable of and they’re delivering it, or he’s a “praise in public, damn in private” sort of guy which is a good leadership quality according to those who know such things.

FSUncensored (Tomahawk Nation) got the defensive half of his pie exactly how he ordered it, no cheese.

Tomahawk Nation was the only site telling people that the defense could be at best, slightly above average, when most people were saying it should be good to very good, and only had a few youth issues.  The problems for the defense, unfortunately, run deep and can’t be fixed quickly.  Dumb and lazy recruiting, particularly in 2006 and 2007, by the previous coaching staff (some of which is still around), a silly reliance on seniority over skill (brought on by Bobby Bowden and acquiesced to by Mickey Andrews), and ridiculously bad coaching hires on the defensive side of the ball (Jody Allen, Chuck Amato), have left this defense with a very limited ceiling.  They have the chance to be FSU’s worst defense in nearly 30 years.

However, his other half was the works. Christian Ponder had an unexpected 130+ QB rating against Miami and looked way better than the ‘Noles expected. Brian and Jeff (BC Interruption) got their pizza as they called it in AND free breadsticks which they no doubt smothered in ranch dressing.

Even though it was Northeastern – a 2-10 CAA team – the win was just what Spaziani and this young Eagles team needed. For one, the offensive output was encouraging and not much expected. It all started with the Eagles first play from scrimmage, a Montel Harris’ 48 yard TD run. The running game was able to run right through an outmanned Northeastern defense. The quarterbacks also got some much needed experience, and both Shinskie and Tuggle were able to get their first collegiate TD passes under their belts.

Mike (Tar Heel Mania) also got what he ordered as his ‘Heels feasted on a I-AA school.

Given that UNC’s expectations are high and Citadel is considered very very not good even by FCS standards, we about exactly met expectations. We didn’t disappoint and we didn’t wow.

ACC bloggers B. Rink (On the B. Rink) and Jim Young (ACCSports.com) were both pretty much disguested with what they got.

If my team is the ACC, that would be a definite and thunderous “no!”. The two losses to FCS squads, 0-2 vs. SEC, and the Wake loss at home were disappointing to say the least. It’s early, but a team like NC State that looked pretty good on paper–absolutely bombed at home versus a mediocre SEC team.

My delivery guy just gave me a sauceless pie with tofu and bean curd when I specifically asked for the meat lovers special.

Continue Reading “ACC Roundtable Roundup: FAIL, Favorites and Eff Em Over” »

Rock you in the face with brass and strings like it’s mother-fucking Friday.

Bowl tie-ins. The Alamo Bowl is close to replacing a Big Ten team with one from the Pac-10 to play against the Big 12 starting in 2010. The Pac-10 would send their runner-up to San Antonio instead of to the Holiday Bowl (another Big 12-Pac-10 game). The Alamo Bowl is shelling out 3 million ducats a team to make the move up the prestige ladder. According to Stew Mandel’s sources the Big Ten is going to bump the Big 12/Big East from the Gator Bowl and setup an ACC-Big Ten showdown. We expect the ripple effect to continue.

Nate Irving is done for the year. We wish the NC State man-child a speedy recovery to terrorizing ACC offenses next year.

The U, previewed. Amphibious Sports Duo says Miami starting the season 4-0 (Florida State, Georgia Tech, Virginia Tech, Oklahoma) would be like the Lions going on a Super Bowl run. Harsh and self-deprecating just how we like it. It’s a very objective preview and if you’re all about getting into the heads of the enemy we recommend you check it out. Also the ACC & SEC Blog discusses the upcoming season with the The 7th Floor. Continue Reading “Around the Interwebs” »

UF, not Miami, is the only Florida school with enough street-cred to rock the army fatigues.

The arrest record in that span [since Randy Shannon was hired] is about the same as the score on the field between these teams: Florida 15, Miami 1. And the one for Miami was freshman Robert Marve breaking a car mirror.

In the interim, Florida players have punched women, stolen property and been involved with guns and drugs. Yet nobody on ESPN is so much as reporting this. Nobody at Sports Illustrated is saying the Florida team picture should be taken from the front and the side.

And we won’t see either ESPN or SI rake the Gators over the coals until after Tim Tebow graduates.

Get well, get well soon we wish you to get well.

All the best to you Lee while recovering from your stroke.

JoePa is continuing his Big Ten expansion campaign, but doesn’t want the conference to consider Notre Dame for the twelfth spot.

“If I had my choice, someone that can give us the biggest TV exposure in the East,” Paterno said, offering as possibilities “Syracuse, Pitt, Rutgers. Not in that order.”

Notre Dame rejected an invitation to join the Big Ten a decade ago.

“There’s some pressure, I would suppose, to maybe go back to Notre Dame and ask again, which I would not be happy with,” Paterno said. “I think they’ve had their chance.”

Neatly folded and tucked in the back left lobe of his brain lies JoePa’s “list”. Don’t cross him, because once you go on you don’t come off. Seriously he holds grudges for-ev-are. How can ANY east coast team’s spotty regional coverage compare to Notre Dame’s season long national broadcast?

Michigan is going to be fat after eating up cupcakes in 2010. If they aren’t at least 9-3 (@ND, @OSU, @PSU) in the way too far off future I don’t see Rich Rod working out. Could mgoblog’s latest slogan, the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Forcier be any sweeter? We think not.

Odds on futures for this year’s National Championship are up at Bodgo. We’re considering tossing a Jackson on: Texas 7/1, VT 16/1 and Notre Dame 25/1. H/T F4F who left us one hell of a text last night.

Around the Interwebs is a whenever-the-eff-I-feel-like-it-a-week summary of the day’s news in college football. If you’d like your link to appear email it to cgb [at] collegegameaballs [dot] com.