ruffles through call list, dials (919) ***-**24, phone rings

You got him.
Hello son. This is Coach Butch Davis. Do you have a minute?
Err…
Did you know this year’s Blue-White Spring Game will be televised by ESPN?
It is?
Yes indeedy, that’s just one of the many reasons to come out to beautiful Kenan Stadium. Some others are: Rameses, face painting, Bell Tower climb…
Can’t I just watch from home then?
Well… um, yes, I supposed you…

click

Shit.

cracks knuckles, dials (919) ***-**25, phone rings

Hello?
Hello ma’am, this is Coach Davis and I wanted…
Who?
Butch Davis coa…
Oh, Mr. Davis, my husband said you’d be coming by a little past noon tomorrow to finish clearing the trees tomorrow.
Uh, no, this is Coach Davis of the Tar Heels. I see here you and your husband have been supporters and of our athletic department for years and I was calling you today to tell you another, free, easy way that you can support our program.
Oh!

puts phone receiver to her neck and yells across kitchen

Honey! One of Coach Roy’s assistants is on the phone!

places receiver back to mouth

Anything to support Coach Williams and our Heels.
Ma’am, sorry, there must of been a miscommunication. I’m the coach of the football team.
Football?
Football.

click

Shit.

dials (919) ***-**26, busy, wipes brow of forehead with wrist, smacks self in face, dials (919) ***-**27, phone rings

Hello?
Hello there UNC coed. This is Coach Davis and I wanted to talk to you today about the Blue-White Spring Game on April 10th.

click

Shit.

sips Diet Coke, dials (919) ***-**28, phone rings

Yes?
Hello sir, I’d like to discuss the activities happening at this year’s Blue-White game. I personally guarantee it will be a day your entire family never forgets.
You just hang on there a minute. First off, are we gonna beat State this year?
Well, no, I can’t say for sure, but I can promise we’ll do what we, as a team always do, try our best.
Then I guarantee we won’t be there.

click

Shit.

runs out of second floor window

H/T: In The Bleachers