Frank Costanza: “And at the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around, and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year!”

If you reading this consider yourself family and your dinner is served. The very large list is after the jump. And a huge thank you to everyone who contributed on such short notice! And don’t feel like you missed out. I’ll keep updating the post as I receive new ones, or just leave them in the comments.

• Bees fans you travel like ass, it sucks raising money for the Reck and To Hell with Georgia. via Winfield
• ADDAZIO WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY YOU HOPELESS TWIT WHY. via Orson Swindle
• SEC officials you’re an embarrassment to an already shameful craft.
• UNC defensive collapses, losing to UVa and NC State, again, hearing “Butch Davis is a great recruiter but in game…”, and NC State preseason hype. via In The Bleachers
• Les Miles you manage the clock as efficiently as an eleven-year-old boy in NCAA 10 whose controller has a jammed select button.
• Not firing Ty Willingham sooner. via @TheCassino
• Heisman voters, you’re a total bunch of twats for filling out your ballots before the season was over.
• Mainstream media which has somehow caused our fanbase to be disappointed with a traditional New Year’s Day bowl. via Red Cup Rebellion
• Colt McCoy, Bo Pelini and Big XII you all deserved to lose the Big XII Championship Game.
• To every Hokie who left the Nebraska game before our comeback and then wallowed in the win, waterboard yourself.
• The Fumblerooski for being an illegal immoral, and unsportsmanlike play. by Howard Schnellenberger via EDSBS
  
• It is complete bullshit that Ohio State hasn’t been awarded the MNC this year for prolific stupidity, Twitter category. via @ramzyn of Bucknuts.com
• Never use a skinny free safety as the personal protector for the punt team. Well, never *again*. via @scrappled of Black Shoe Diaries
• Go to hell Florida State for having one of the worst succession plans in place for living legend Bobby Bowden. And I hope you see the FSU administration there Gator Bowl.
• Terrelle Pryor’s poor decision making, inability to grasp one of the 10 most vanilla offenses in the game and requiring his coaches to dumb it down even further. Tim Tebow’s wet dreams. I’m tired of his 2 season long regression to the mean, him using his football abilities as some kind of propagation vehicle for his faith, and his 790 SAT scoring brain. BCS teams demanding *insert coordinator fired*, SEC sanctimony/napoleon complex, Cincinnati fans being miffed/surprised Kelly left/their impending return to junior BCS school status. Short sighted small sample size memes in football in general: SEC = fast, Big Ten = slow, Ohio State/Oklahoma = unclutch/unable to win the big game. Early looks at 2010 before the ‘09 Bowl Season is even over. And finally one ginormous turd at @insidethebcs, Ari Fletcher, the Fiesta Bowl’s incessant corruption, and everything that disgusting megopoly stands for. via @worstfan of Eleven Warriors
• Oregon for waffling on length of LeGarrette Blount’s suspension.
• Dabo Swinney’s complaining about Georgia Tech’s special teams trick plays. Joe McKnight, for an institutional lack of control at USC. Maryland for not having enough money to buy out Fridge. The ACC for getting the Championship Game crushed in ratings by going head-to-head with the Big XXII Championship game. via BC Interruption
• When Rich Rodriguez was brought into Michigan, it was expected that the team would be in a transitional period and it would take time to assimilate to his offensive system. It was a given the 2008 team would be devastated due to the losses of Henne, Hart, and Long. When RichRod’s system scared away Ryan Mallet to Arkansas and they were left with no quarterback I was willing to accept the failure of one season. But now that the team has failed to make a bowl game for two straight seasons, it’s absolutely pathetic. Some are giving RichRod the benefit of the doubt saying that he didn’t “have talent”. I know recruiting numbers aren’t an exact science but let’s look at Michigan’s recruiting from 2005-08…
  

  Year	Scout	Rivals
  2008	6	10
  2007	10	12
  2006	T9	13
  2005	2	6

  Do those recruiting numbers look like they are the numbers of a team that’s gone just 8-16 and 3-13 in conference the past two seasons? RichRod you’ve got one year before people will cry genocide. You’ve snapped the bowl streak (which likely wouldn’t have been snapped if Mallet [29 tds to 7 ints this season] was the QB last season). You’ve coached a team to back to back losing seasons for the first time since the 50s. You have no excuses. Get it done or get the fuck out of dodge. via SimonOnSports

• Jim Weaver: I was watching the Army-Navy game and noticed that the Midshipmen chant “Stick it in, stick it in, stick it in” when Navy gets in the red zone. And we can’t? This is the United States Naval Academy. They have much stricter rules and much more important alumni than we do and yet they have no problem with the chant. You don’t see Jimmy Carter complaining about the chant and he was the goddamn President. Yet we can’t do it because it offended some local yokels with deep pocketbooks.

  Frank Beamer: Look, I get why you’re so loyal. The University head honchos stuck with you after a disastrous 2-8-1 season in 1992 and you feel you owe it to your staff to show the same loyalty that allowed you to make Virginia Tech what it is today. I understand that and so does everyone else. But seriously, someone else needs to be calling plays. Stinespring does a nice job coordinating the offense so why not promote him to associate head coach and recruiting coordinator and find someone else to call these plays for us? In the end it would have only saved us against UNC and we still wouldn’t have won the ACC, but at least it would shut some people up about the goddamn offense. At this point I want Stinespring out of the OC role just so I don’t have to listen to these dumb motherfuckers yell “Derp! Derp! Derp!” every time anything bad happens while we have the ball.

  Bud Foster: Even I know Josh Nesbitt isn’t going to fuck around with giving the ball to anyone else on 3rd or 4th and short. And I’ve never played football in my life.

  Bryan Stinespring: Screen plays work best when thrown to a slot receiver who is not being manned-up at the line of scrimmage by an opposing defensive back. /cue”themoreyouknow”music

  Tyrod Taylor: Please set your feet when you throw. Seriously, I always know when you’re getting ready to release the ball because right before you do you audition for America’s Best Dance Crew.

  Ryan Williams: You broke every freshman running record Tech has. But would it kill you to not fucking fumble at our own 30 with two minutes left in a tie game? KTHXBAI.

  Ed Wang: You no brock so werr, rineman. Good thing you no have to brock Jason Wolirds.

  Jake Johnson: Jake smash! Jake annihilate! Jake kill! Jake watch tight end catch passes on third and seven all day!

  Kam Chancellor: Hey! Didn’t you used to be Kam Chancellor? Let’s see how many night clubs in the 757 want you to promote their parties now, asshole. Cover someone.

  Georgia Tech: Fuck you and fuck your gimmicky “Alllll the waaaaaaay turnt up” bullshit. This is the ACC. Only hardcore RAWK music like Enter Sandman is allowed to fire up the home crowd. But hey, at least you don’t pipe your band over the PA system while play is going on like those slapdicks at Boston College.

  North Carolina: You lucky fucks.

  france: Thanks for completely blowing the end of the season and failing to save Groh’s job, you nimrods. You couldn’t have beaten William and Mary or Southern Miss to at least make some shittastic bowl to keep him around for two more years?

  via Furrer4Heisman of Gobbler Country

• Sports Illustrated… please keep Ole Miss off of your filthy devil rag next year. Thanks. via FOTP

Please leave yours in the comments.